Not my caddie

He’s Not My Caddie
Rich Texans are fabled for their grand style, but when one oil tycoon appeared at a local British golf course followed by a servant pulling a foam-cushioned chaise lounge, his opponents thought that this was taking style too far. “J.R., are you going to make that poor caddie lug that couch all over the course after you?” they asked him. “Caddie, my eye,” explained J.R. “That’s my psychiatrist.”

Not my ball

That’s Not My Ball
“That can’t be my ball, caddie. It looks far too old,” said the player looking at a ball deep in the trees. “It’s a long time since we started, sir.”

Fairways

“I’d like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play  from the rough, not just me.”

—Seve Ballesteros

Victory

“Victory is everything. You  can spend the money, but you can  never spend the memories.”

—Ken Venturi
 

Funeral Procession

Funeral Procession

Mike, an avid golfer, was teeing up for a very difficult shot. At that moment, a funeral procession went by. Mike stopped, stood still with his hat over his heart, and bowed his head. His golfing partner looked at him and said, “Mike, that was kind and decent of you to show such respect for the dead.” Mike replied, “Yes, we would have been married twenty-six years come tomorrow.”

Improvement

“If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using ‘an outside agency’ and are subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.”

—Henry Longhurst

Three ways of learning golf

“There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter.” —Robert Browning